Who I am as a friend

I do not make friends easily or quickly. It is a facility that I see in others but have never possessed. I have seldom, if ever, had a big group of friends all at once. To me, a large group of friends means six people at the same time. While I can understand the appeal of having a wide circle of friends I get all caught up in the idea of how hard it would be to maintain so many friendships simultaneously.

When I consider someone to be a friend I mean it deeply. I don’t think of someone as a friend unless I’m willing to share of myself freely. I share my time. I share my energy. I share my passions. I share my thoughts. I share my feelings. I share my trust. When I am friends with someone I expect them to be able to do the same. I believe that “friends” means something deeper and broader and richer than others around me seem to.

I believe that friendship must be equal. Without equality—equality of energy, equality of intent, equality of want, equality of need—then I don’t think it’s try friendship. It’s something else, maybe. Maybe something good. Maybe something worthwhile. You may be saying that I set an impossible standard. You may be, probably are, right.

I believe friendship is fragile. At least for me it is. It does not suffer betrayal or callousness and live. It does not suffer the dashing of my expectations. As hard as I find it to make friends, I can lose them easily. I must believe the friendship to be all that I can hope, else it’ll fade away.

I believe in my friends, my few true friends, and hope that they believe in me.